Trans-formers? Nice name. It sort of sounds a little bit metal punk with the whole machine vibe going on. Chains, leather and a bit of kink.
[This guy is a trashy bastard.]
Glit the white cat? Oh, Mick? As in Ronno? Ziggy's man? That's pretty fucking awesome! He's teaching your brother how to play guitar? I never even knew the bloke was offering lessons. He is bloody good at it though.
Ravage? All these punk names. Seriously, I love it.
Transformers is what humans call us. You know that we are aliens, right? I'm a metal cat who turns into a car. In other words--I'm not a human, not a hairless primate. It's ... not a band name, or a gang name, or anything like that.
Our faction is called "Decepticons".
Most of us were not free before we revolted, and we either didn't have proper names at all, or we had names that we didn't like. When you meet a Decepticon with a name like Ravage, or Howlback, or Clobber, or Suckerpunch, or Killswitch, those are the names that we chose when we were fighting against the old government. So I guess those are sort of punk, if punk means what I think it means.
I don't know if Mick is offering lessons generally, or just to Glit. Everyone's being really nice to Glit right now, because he's just quit drinking, and we're all worried about him...and we want to keep him busy.
Transformers? Cool name. Alien robot people? Yeah I got that part. It would be cool if you were a gang of alien robots who rode bikes. That would be epic!
Clobber? Suckerpunch? These sounds like names of drugs. But, you say they are names of more of your kind? Decent. Does Clobber----clobber people? Suckerpunch---punch?
Ronno is a good bloke. I've drank with him and he likes his smokes. I think it's nice he's teaching one of your friends. Glit? Quit drinking? Aw---well, if he's happy then who am I to say otherwise. Do the right thing, honey.
I just like getting smashed with my band mates and my new lover, Aarne.
Some of us turn into bikes. But nobody here currently does.
Clobber is a military bot so she does clobber people, hee! She can do the Punch of Kill Everything move and it's like a small earthquake.
But my sister Ravage? She's been a saboteur, but she's a poet and an artist and a philosopher at heart, and she doesn't do field work any more. Suckerpunch is a sanitation bot.
Where Glit's concerned, nobody's happy if he drinks or gets high. He can't stop himself once he gets started and then he starts to be impressively stupid about everything. If he wants to keep his son and his job and his personal life, then he has to stay sober. And we make sure that everyone knows so they don't encourage him to do otherwise, because he's been sober for less than a year.
No way! You do? That's some serious shit right there. I have a bike and it's seriously fast and loud. Maybe I can show it to you one day if I ride it through the portal since it's back home at the moment.
She sounds rough and tough. I like her already this Clobber.
Your sister sounds really cool too. Is Suckerpunch like a bin that collects waste? A trashcan on wheels sort of thing?
I get you, mate. I love to drink and take drugs but I wouldn't do it around someone who's trying to stay sober. There are limits. I like being cool around people.
I think Viridian might end up a bike, if she doesn't pick an aerial alt--when she's older, of course.
Suckerpunch sucks dirt up off floors in his alt mode. He looks like a wide round thick platform on wheels. When my sister was smaller she used to ride around on him on the Nemesis bridge.
Oh yeah? Good choice there! I bet she'll be such an awesome model too.
So, he's like a cleaner bot? Decent. Always useful to have someone to clean up after a wild party.
She's cute! I love her little ears and her tail. If you show her to Hunter he might fall in love since he's cat mad. Even wears leopard print clothing because he's cat obsessed.
The 'she' I was talking about is Ravage, my sister. She's not going to do you. She's married to Soundwave now.
The party bot, Suckerpunch, is a he. I have no idea how big his spike is, he's a mini-con. But we have parties mostly every week at the Embassy and you can come if you want and see if he'll show you how big his spike is.
[The filth doesn't faze her but the confusion of Ravage and Suckerpunch cracks her up. At some point she may try riding a human spike, IDK--she's aro, not ace.]
Oh yeah, I meant her, sorry. I don't want her to "do" me, love. Only Aarne can do me. He's my hot Fin. Don't meant to confuse you. I took a load of coke before picking up the phone so my concentration is off. Fucking crazy!
Suckerpunch is a bloke. Got it. A spike? Is that like a robot cock? Does it hurt when you guys---do it?
[Would he really show Joe how big his robot cock was?]
Some people are. I'm not one of them. I'm into "blowing off steam with a good friend after a hard day's work". Some people come after my frame-type because they like pain, but that's because we have claws.
Humans always think we call it 'spike' because it's pointed. I don't know why we call it 'spike' but it's basically a big cable. It does have a pointed end but that's because the pointed end of it has a hole in the end to secrete lubricant and a jack in the end to link into the ceiling nodes in the other party's valve. It might be unpleasant for a human but I don't know. Glit and Megatron have organic lovers and none of them have ever complained, so I think it must be fine.
And getting drunk is fine, most people do that occasionally, some more often than others.
I prefer not to be too overcharged, but my sister likes to burn catnip and silvermint sometimes when she and Soundwave well, you know. The smoke affects her senses. I might try it someday.
Seriously maybe I should just show you some porn from Cybertron.
porn is here. it's normal sex type stuff, kinky stuff would be confusing. as you can see both of them have a spike and a valve and they know how to use them.
[Joe watches the porn with interest, tilting his head and giggling.]
That's some kinky shit right there. I love it.
I'm not really into that much pain during sex except a bit of biting and nails. No hardcore BDSM though. I don't think Aarne likes that either.
Your spike sounds like a metal cock with a pointy end. Sounds fucking painful for someone up the ass though---I wouldn't do it. You ever seen a human cock before? Just wondering since I can show you mine if you want? Just for a cultural exchange of course. Science. No weird stuff.
Okay, let's do that cultural exchange thing. Just give me a second. I have to open my panels and pressurise my spike, and that doesn't happen naturally unless I'm in the mood. Since I'm on a break, I'd rather not get in the mood. I'll just go in the cycler and lock the door and transform it out on purpose.
See, the array works in either direction. It's a spike if I pressurise it outward. It's a valve if I don't, and all the pointy bits are deep inside.
spikepic.jpg valvepic.jpg
So I sent you pictures of both so you can see how one might be able to transform into the other, although...you can't really see deep up in me, because I can't contort around well enough to use my optic capture function to take pictures of the inside of that, and sticking a phone up there would be uncomfortable.
As you can see, the, ah, pointy bits light up and they're more like glass than metal. They're just sensory nodes. My spike's covered in the soft metal mesh and thin plating that lines the inside of my valve, even though it's hard. It's like, upholstered a little? and it oozes just like the inside of my valve.
And the bit up above the entrance of my valve stays where it is, so it's at the base of my spike. When I put my spike in someone's valve those two nodes line up and rub and charge each other. And the head of my spike has all those pointy nodes on it, they're ceiling nodes, and when they're deep inside your valve, they like to be thrusted against.
Most people think they feel good. But I know Glit fucks humans and he does say you can't fuck them up the aft with a spike like that. On the other hand I'm not sure why anyone wants to be fucked in the aft exhaust port. It's so tiny. Nothing comes out of it but foul-smelling gas, used fuel and dirty oil, and it doesn't stretch like a valve does.
Some people do stick their spikes into other people's aft exhaust ports, but um, that's usually a sex crime. I've never heard of anyone liking having that done to them. Maybe that's a difference between the way we're made and the way you guys are made. Everyone has a valve, so if you want to be penetrated, you use that, and it feels really good. Aft exhaust ports don't stretch or lubricate. They just have the little iris thing that keeps everything stored in your waste fuel tank till you get to the cycler, and they're tiny. I mean...
I mean that's part of why Laserbeak gets so sick when she eats human food all the damn time. The sugar sludges up her fuel tank. But then she also gets backed up because everything that we eat dissolves into liquid, and her aft exhaust port is too tiny for all the solid bits to come out of.
You can show me yours if you want, I guess that's fair. Anyhow it has to be more impressive than the one I saw when I arrested that human for flashing the floppy bits at everyone. You pressurise those things, right, like we do our spikes? Because otherwise, I don't see how you get one of those up somebody's valve, it just hangs there looking deflated.
[Joe is just staring slightly wide-eyed and confused at the same time but totally interested in Howlback's explanation of spikes and valves. Basically, cocks and pussies put bluntly just Cybertronian ones.]
That's quite a lot of information there. Shit---spikes and valves are basically robot cocks and pussies. I'd be up for showing you my cock for a cultural exchange if you want? My floppy one that is. If you want to see it hard you'd have to invite my sexy boyfriend along for cam sex. If he wants to.
Also, sorry for the whole cop car sex thing. It was an accident. As for "pressurising" our cocks or spikes----yeah, I guess we do. It's called an erection for us so we can get our cocks hard enough to slide into an ass or pussy. Blood flows into it when a bloke is sexually excited so it's sort of chemical and hormonal?
Shit, I'm getting all technical here. Does this make any sense to you?
Pussy? Some human called me that on Earth and Ravage said I should claw his face off. I don't get it. I know cock is a spike, is pussy a word for a valve, is that why Ravage got mad I was called that? I just thought it's a rude word for a feline.
But yes, our parts are a lot like human parts, except for one thing: they can be either or both. Here's a porn clip of a person transforming their valve into their spike and vice versa. Everything stays inside most of the time and if you want to get fucked you let it open all the way up. If you want to do the fucking you slide the struts in and let it pressurise, only we pressurise it with our own lubricants.
Glit told me that when humans have surgery to change their gender, they do the same thing that we do, only the changes are permanent and they take out a lot of stuff.
I just realised that you don't have to cam me if you give me permission to view the security footage I have. I was going to delete it because you guys fessed up to being the people who fragged on my hood, but if you don't mind me looking at it I can probably figure that out. Although watching you with your sexy boyfriend could be kinda fun, if you sent me the video to watch later at night when I'm not on call and can burn off the charge, in case I work one up...
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chiming
no subject
Date: 2021-04-28 07:47 pm (UTC)From:Trans-formers? Nice name. It sort of sounds a little bit metal punk with the whole machine vibe going on. Chains, leather and a bit of kink.
[This guy is a trashy bastard.]
Glit the white cat? Oh, Mick? As in Ronno? Ziggy's man? That's pretty fucking awesome! He's teaching your brother how to play guitar? I never even knew the bloke was offering lessons. He is bloody good at it though.
Ravage? All these punk names. Seriously, I love it.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-30 02:35 am (UTC)From:Our faction is called "Decepticons".
Most of us were not free before we revolted, and we either didn't have proper names at all, or we had names that we didn't like. When you meet a Decepticon with a name like Ravage, or Howlback, or Clobber, or Suckerpunch, or Killswitch, those are the names that we chose when we were fighting against the old government. So I guess those are sort of punk, if punk means what I think it means.
I don't know if Mick is offering lessons generally, or just to Glit. Everyone's being really nice to Glit right now, because he's just quit drinking, and we're all worried about him...and we want to keep him busy.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-03 11:51 am (UTC)From:Clobber? Suckerpunch? These sounds like names of drugs. But, you say they are names of more of your kind? Decent. Does Clobber----clobber people? Suckerpunch---punch?
Ronno is a good bloke. I've drank with him and he likes his smokes. I think it's nice he's teaching one of your friends. Glit? Quit drinking? Aw---well, if he's happy then who am I to say otherwise. Do the right thing, honey.
I just like getting smashed with my band mates and my new lover, Aarne.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-03 04:29 pm (UTC)From:Clobber is a military bot so she does clobber people, hee! She can do the Punch of Kill Everything move and it's like a small earthquake.
But my sister Ravage? She's been a saboteur, but she's a poet and an artist and a philosopher at heart, and she doesn't do field work any more. Suckerpunch is a sanitation bot.
Where Glit's concerned, nobody's happy if he drinks or gets high. He can't stop himself once he gets started and then he starts to be impressively stupid about everything. If he wants to keep his son and his job and his personal life, then he has to stay sober. And we make sure that everyone knows so they don't encourage him to do otherwise, because he's been sober for less than a year.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-03 08:32 pm (UTC)From:She sounds rough and tough. I like her already this Clobber.
Your sister sounds really cool too. Is Suckerpunch like a bin that collects waste? A trashcan on wheels sort of thing?
I get you, mate. I love to drink and take drugs but I wouldn't do it around someone who's trying to stay sober. There are limits. I like being cool around people.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-05 05:56 am (UTC)From:Suckerpunch sucks dirt up off floors in his alt mode. He looks like a wide round thick platform on wheels. When my sister was smaller she used to ride around on him on the Nemesis bridge.
They used to look like this.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-05 04:15 pm (UTC)From:So, he's like a cleaner bot? Decent. Always useful to have someone to clean up after a wild party.
She's cute! I love her little ears and her tail. If you show her to Hunter he might fall in love since he's cat mad. Even wears leopard print clothing because he's cat obsessed.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-10 08:53 am (UTC)From:She's bigger than that now, though! I heard there's going to be a party at the beginning of May? You can see how she looks like now there.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-15 03:34 pm (UTC)From:Does she make cocktails on the side or is she all cleaning bot? If I was a bot I'd be party, drinking and fucking bot with a huge metal cock.
[Sorry, Howlback, this guy is dirty.]
Party in early May? I want in, honey! I'd love to meet this cleaning bot friend of yours.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-29 06:29 am (UTC)From:The 'she' I was talking about is Ravage, my sister. She's not going to do you. She's married to Soundwave now.
The party bot, Suckerpunch, is a he. I have no idea how big his spike is, he's a mini-con. But we have parties mostly every week at the Embassy and you can come if you want and see if he'll show you how big his spike is.
[The filth doesn't faze her but the confusion of Ravage and Suckerpunch cracks her up. At some point she may try riding a human spike, IDK--she's aro, not ace.]
no subject
Date: 2021-05-29 12:47 pm (UTC)From:Oh yeah, I meant her, sorry. I don't want her to "do" me, love. Only Aarne can do me. He's my hot Fin. Don't meant to confuse you. I took a load of coke before picking up the phone so my concentration is off. Fucking crazy!
Suckerpunch is a bloke. Got it. A spike? Is that like a robot cock? Does it hurt when you guys---do it?
[Would he really show Joe how big his robot cock was?]
no subject
Date: 2021-06-02 07:39 pm (UTC)From:Some people are. I'm not one of them. I'm into "blowing off steam with a good friend after a hard day's work". Some people come after my frame-type because they like pain, but that's because we have claws.
Humans always think we call it 'spike' because it's pointed. I don't know why we call it 'spike' but it's basically a big cable. It does have a pointed end but that's because the pointed end of it has a hole in the end to secrete lubricant and a jack in the end to link into the ceiling nodes in the other party's valve. It might be unpleasant for a human but I don't know. Glit and Megatron have organic lovers and none of them have ever complained, so I think it must be fine.
And getting drunk is fine, most people do that occasionally, some more often than others.
I prefer not to be too overcharged, but my sister likes to burn catnip and silvermint sometimes when she and Soundwave well, you know. The smoke affects her senses. I might try it someday.
Seriously maybe I should just show you some porn from Cybertron.
porn is here. it's normal sex type stuff, kinky stuff would be confusing. as you can see both of them have a spike and a valve and they know how to use them.
no subject
Date: 2021-06-04 07:16 pm (UTC)From:That's some kinky shit right there. I love it.
I'm not really into that much pain during sex except a bit of biting and nails. No hardcore BDSM though. I don't think Aarne likes that either.
Your spike sounds like a metal cock with a pointy end. Sounds fucking painful for someone up the ass though---I wouldn't do it. You ever seen a human cock before? Just wondering since I can show you mine if you want? Just for a cultural exchange of course. Science. No weird stuff.
cw - discussion of robot sex crimes, robot genitals, and robot assholes, including digestion
Date: 2021-06-14 06:37 pm (UTC)From:See, the array works in either direction. It's a spike if I pressurise it outward. It's a valve if I don't, and all the pointy bits are deep inside.
spikepic.jpg
valvepic.jpg
So I sent you pictures of both so you can see how one might be able to transform into the other, although...you can't really see deep up in me, because I can't contort around well enough to use my optic capture function to take pictures of the inside of that, and sticking a phone up there would be uncomfortable.
As you can see, the, ah, pointy bits light up and they're more like glass than metal. They're just sensory nodes. My spike's covered in the soft metal mesh and thin plating that lines the inside of my valve, even though it's hard. It's like, upholstered a little? and it oozes just like the inside of my valve.
And the bit up above the entrance of my valve stays where it is, so it's at the base of my spike. When I put my spike in someone's valve those two nodes line up and rub and charge each other. And the head of my spike has all those pointy nodes on it, they're ceiling nodes, and when they're deep inside your valve, they like to be thrusted against.
Most people think they feel good. But I know Glit fucks humans and he does say you can't fuck them up the aft with a spike like that. On the other hand I'm not sure why anyone wants to be fucked in the aft exhaust port. It's so tiny. Nothing comes out of it but foul-smelling gas, used fuel and dirty oil, and it doesn't stretch like a valve does.
Some people do stick their spikes into other people's aft exhaust ports, but um, that's usually a sex crime. I've never heard of anyone liking having that done to them. Maybe that's a difference between the way we're made and the way you guys are made. Everyone has a valve, so if you want to be penetrated, you use that, and it feels really good. Aft exhaust ports don't stretch or lubricate. They just have the little iris thing that keeps everything stored in your waste fuel tank till you get to the cycler, and they're tiny. I mean...
I mean that's part of why Laserbeak gets so sick when she eats human food all the damn time. The sugar sludges up her fuel tank. But then she also gets backed up because everything that we eat dissolves into liquid, and her aft exhaust port is too tiny for all the solid bits to come out of.
You can show me yours if you want, I guess that's fair. Anyhow it has to be more impressive than the one I saw when I arrested that human for flashing the floppy bits at everyone. You pressurise those things, right, like we do our spikes? Because otherwise, I don't see how you get one of those up somebody's valve, it just hangs there looking deflated.
no subject
Date: 2021-06-14 07:16 pm (UTC)From:That's quite a lot of information there. Shit---spikes and valves are basically robot cocks and pussies. I'd be up for showing you my cock for a cultural exchange if you want? My floppy one that is. If you want to see it hard you'd have to invite my sexy boyfriend along for cam sex. If he wants to.
Also, sorry for the whole cop car sex thing. It was an accident. As for "pressurising" our cocks or spikes----yeah, I guess we do. It's called an erection for us so we can get our cocks hard enough to slide into an ass or pussy. Blood flows into it when a bloke is sexually excited so it's sort of chemical and hormonal?
Shit, I'm getting all technical here. Does this make any sense to you?
no subject
Date: 2021-06-17 02:37 am (UTC)From:But yes, our parts are a lot like human parts, except for one thing: they can be either or both. Here's a porn clip of a person transforming their valve into their spike and vice versa. Everything stays inside most of the time and if you want to get fucked you let it open all the way up. If you want to do the fucking you slide the struts in and let it pressurise, only we pressurise it with our own lubricants.
Glit told me that when humans have surgery to change their gender, they do the same thing that we do, only the changes are permanent and they take out a lot of stuff.
I just realised that you don't have to cam me if you give me permission to view the security footage I have. I was going to delete it because you guys fessed up to being the people who fragged on my hood, but if you don't mind me looking at it I can probably figure that out. Although watching you with your sexy boyfriend could be kinda fun, if you sent me the video to watch later at night when I'm not on call and can burn off the charge, in case I work one up...
Cybertronian-porn-actor-transforming-array.mov